Rethinking 'Survival of the Fittest': How Our Nervous System Evolved for Cooperation

Picture this: a wolf, not snarling or hunting, but wagging its tail at a human campfire. It seems counterintuitive, doesn't it? Yet, this scene might just encapsulate one of the most successful evolutionary strategies: the survival of the friendliest.

We've all heard of "survival of the fittest," often interpreted as a game of dominance and aggression. But what if I told you that being the friendliest could be an evolutionary superpower?

A Twist in Evolutionary Theory

Theodosius Dobzhansky, a renowned evolutionary biologist, proposed an intriguing idea. He suggested that "the fittest may also be the gentlest, because survival often requires mutual help and cooperation." This concept flips our traditional understanding of evolution on its head.

From Wolves to Dogs: A Tale of Friendly Evolution

Let's talk about dogs for a moment. If you've watched "Inside The Mind of a Dog" on Netflix, you might know that every dog breed shares 99.9% of their DNA with wolves. It's a mind-boggling fact when you compare a miniature dachshund to a wolf!

About 50,000 years ago, wolves were thriving alongside other formidable predators like giant cats, bears, and hyenas. Then humans came along, becoming super predators. Most other predators couldn't compete and went extinct. But wolves? They had an ace up their sleeve – or should I say, a wag in their tail?

A population of wolves became attracted to human settlements, drawn by the promise of easy meals from our leftovers. Over time, the friendliest of these wolves were more successful in coexisting with humans. This marked the beginning of a beautiful friendship that would lead to the domestication of dogs.

The Evolutionary Advantages of Being Nice

This "survival of the friendliest" strategy isn't limited to dogs. Take emperor penguins, for example. How do they survive the brutal Antarctic winters? They hug! By huddling together, they showcase how cooperation and, yes, friendliness, can be key to survival.

Even those irresistible "puppy dog eyes" are an evolutionary adaptation. Dogs have essentially hijacked our social interaction systems, using friendliness as their secret weapon for survival and prosperity.

Humans: The Ultimate Social Animals

Now, let's bring it back to us humans. We evolved into highly social creatures, with our bodies wired to reward social interaction and punish isolation. When we fulfil our need for connection and cooperation, our bodies reward us with health and happiness. Our nervous system downshifts, allowing us to grow, heal, and enjoy a satisfying cocktail of feel-good chemicals.

On the flip side, when we ignore this fundamental need for connection, our bodies rebel. We might experience illness, depression, and profound loneliness. It's as if our biology is screaming, "Hey! We're meant to be social!"

The Social Engagement System: Our Built-in Friendship Generator

Dr. Stephen Porges, creator of Polyvagal Theory, introduced the concept of the Social Engagement System. This system primes our bodies for friendly interactions. When we anticipate a positive social encounter, our defences lower, and we become more open to connection and cooperation. 

But what happens when this expectation is not met? Porges calls it "biological rudeness." Our nervous system can shift dramatically into a defensive state, often leaving us feeling emotionally hurt. It's a stark reminder of how deeply our need for positive social interaction is embedded in our biology.

SIGNS of Welcome: A Practice in Social Engagement

Now that we understand the importance of our Social Engagement System, let's explore a practical way to tune into it. This exercise is called SIGNS of Welcome.

The social engagement system broadcasts and receives signs of warning and welcome. Through information sent from someone's eyes, voice, face and gestures, we know if they are safe to approach and can intentionally use these pathways to send an invitation for connection.

Here's a prompt to help you explore this concept:

Identify the signals being sent from another person that feel welcoming to you. Notice what it is about their eyes, voice, face and gestures that invites you into connection.

• Their eyes signal safety when....
• Their tone of voice sounds welcoming when....
• Their face expresses regulation when....
• Their gestures convey an invitation when....

Use these phrases to get to know the ways your own eyes, voice, face and gestures invite others into connection.

By practicing this, you're not only becoming more attuned to the subtle cues of social interaction but also honing your ability to create a safe, welcoming space for others. This is the power of our evolved Social Engagement System in action!

Rethinking Strength and Fitness

So, the next time you see a dog giving you those puppy eyes, or feel the warmth of a friend's hug, remember this: in the grand game of evolution, it's not always about being the biggest, strongest, or most aggressive. Often, it's about being the friendliest, the most cooperative, the one who plays well with others.

Survival of the fittest? Perhaps. But let's not forget that "fittest" might just mean "friendliest." In a world that often seems to value aggression and competition, it's a comforting thought that nature has been rewarding kindness and cooperation all along.

So, go ahead, smile at a stranger, pet a dog, hug a friend. You're not just being nice – you're participating in one of the most successful evolutionary strategies of all time. Who knew being friendly could be so powerful?